Influx of Senses

Going back to home soon, this Friday. A long full stop for the foundation session. The end of something. This feeling sucks! Almost as much as the joy it brings. Surely can't deny that I had my fun, I had my experiences, I had what I earn in friendships, I had what I gained in knowledge. But right beside the appreciated side, there will always be something sucky. The border is just too sharp, that you will get simply MAD in adjusting your emotions, your behaviour and your expression to people around you.

I've been thinking, why human being like to be like this? Why humans think life should be rises and falls, why humans think that only the life with happy and sad stuffs, both existed in extreme places, is a worth living life or a meaningful life?

Seeing my whole life through, I am asking me myself now, am I destined to be like this? With things not ended my way when I tried so hard? or it's just not my time? Just like the end of high school and the days busting out of national service. I hate that feeling! Down until DEATH came into threat? which I had my eyes sore and my anxiousness flies? Am I always being located in a wrong time? Am I only dare to grab myself a chance to choose when things already decided? No! I want clear answers! Why do I keep avoiding from things I afraid to hear? No! I don't want this anymore! I'm ready to face myself to know what I don't want to know. I rather face the achy feeling than get myself hooked to something with a confused mind.  Please, let me know just what I should know, I'm not that complex, I just can't afford that...

Grow some brain dude! Had you learn nothing from the past? You're just silly enough... You're just simply ...scared.