What Is This? Restart please~

Currently in Bahau now. Spending time having fun with friends, went to Port Dickson and Seremban. It was fun meeting you guys, this is what I wanted. By this time, I have some other things that I was worrying about, including my studies. Been worrying bout my calculus 1. But then, today stroke by a best news I ever heard. I brought down the calculus 2 for me also. Feels like the best. All this time, my self esteem had always been this low. Always having second thoughts. Always blaming myself not mentally strong enough.

Another thing that I want to express. " I don't have the right to do something I wish to do." Maybe I want to do it not because just to do it. Like I said, " It's not that I didn't feel, It's what I didn't show.". I maybe stupid in studies, but i'm not stupid at this. What was expected from me? I know, but, what I suppose to do? I don't have the rights. Who am I anyway? I'm only the one who get hooked on something in a middle of something. I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows. Guys don't like to be vulnerable too. It might get too difficult if you become too vulnerable, not only for you by running the risk of getting hurt but also for the other person who might not be ready to get that close. That's why. Blah blah blah, I dun even know what myself want either. Lah~ I don't need this. What's the worst thing can happen? I have much more to learn. I just don't know how to react. I'm not comfortable in this, not casual at all. All are different from what I was and how i felt and how I be in life...

Be open, have no expectations, and do what you feel comfortable.

Mixed expression here, ignore it if don't know what this mean. Maybe I know how to live a life, not how to learn a life. Piuh~ let me release it all here bah~ Moving on now, high or low, dodging bullets or hit by bullets, I'll face it. "Smite me, oh mighty smiter! "